H.RES. 106–Never Let a Man Do a Woman’s Job

Few things in life are certain. Taxes and death are two examples. But another certainty is that sequels are never as good as the originals. And if you have any doubts about this, just watch any of the Friday the 13th or Ernest P. Worrell movies from the 80s or 90s. So that’s my disclaimer. Don’t expect greatness. There may be some old stories and some forced laughs about inside jokes we once shared, but are too painful to remember; but we have to start fresh. I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. No. It wasn’t you, it was me. I was confused and didn’t know what I wanted from my readers. I needed some space. I knew it was wrong but it was the best thing for both of us. But look at us now; former Asbarez contributor and former loyal reader just having a cup of soorj and gossiping like dadigs, like it was old times;
I’ve been gone for a while and recently attempted a comeback but it was more because of pressure from readers who felt I’d rejected them in some way than because I felt the need to write or had something to say. But this time I’m back and I have a thing or two on my mind. It’s time to eat kebab and kick some ass, and I’m all out of kebab.
During my absence, there certainly hasn’t been a shortage of Armenian related news. From upcoming elections in the U.S., Armenia and Turkey to the ongoing war in Iraq, the headlines are filled with more fodder for gossip and speculation than an interracial Armenian shotgun wedding. So from the litany of lies and misinformation, what prompted me to emerge from my homemade cocoon of Zankou chicken wrappers and old issues of Asbarez? H.Res. 106: Affirmation of the United States Record on the Armenian Genocide Resolution. The bill calls on the President to ensure that the foreign policy of the United States reflects appropriate understanding and sensitivity concerning issues related to human rights, ethnic cleansing, and genocide documented in the United States record relating to the Armenian Genocide, and for other purposes.
The passage of this bill is pretty significant. Not because it will be the first time Congress has voted for something with the word Genocide in it, but because it will send a message to the Republic of Turkey that the gig is up. Turkey’s staunchest ally has always been the United States. In fact, we’re like the apologetic best friend of a violent alcoholic. We make excuses for Turkey, try to find it a job, and then when he screws that up, try to comfort him and help him out again. And like most dysfunctional codependent relationships, we have convinced ourselves that we can’t live without the other. But if H.Res. 106 passes, it will be the beginning of the end. It will be like watching that one eye-opening, light-bulb-above-the-head flashing episode of Oprah or Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer–when members of Congress will realize that the United States doesn’t need to bend over for our "strongest secular Muslim ally in the Middle East."
And if it passes, it couldn’t come at a better time. If there ever was a time that Turkey held any legitimate cards with which to threaten the U.S., now is the time. With an unstable Iraq and a situation in Kurdistan that could explode at any moment–after Turkey wishes to light the fuse–things are as hairy as they can get in the Middle East. This is the time when the Democratic Leadership of the House can show the American people how tough they really are. It will also be a clear message to the Neoconservatives in the State Department and White House that their "business as usual" approach to Turkey and other so-called allies like Pakistan and Saudi Arabia will not be tolerated.
I’m excited just thinking about it. If this passes, I wonder what Armenian Republicans will be able to fall back on to convince the rest of us that the Republican Party shares more of our values than the Democrats. For over 10 years the Republican-controlled Congress didn’t budge on this resolution. For over 10 years they made excuse after excuse and pumped money into Azerbaijan while taking the bread out of the mouth of Armenia and Artsakh. They put Armenia on a list of rogue terrorist nations. They lifted the sanctions against Azerbaijan, outlined in the Humanitarian Aid Corridor Act. They treated the Armenian voter block like a pi?ata at a birthday party–beating us repeatedly with a stick and still expecting us to burst open with candy for them. Hastert, Bush, Cheney and crew took insolence to new heights and beyond. I, for one, am glad Speaker Nancy Pelosi is going to show them how to act when you have a pair…
I’m going to log on to the ANCA website (www.anca.org) and urge you to do the same and let Speaker Pelosi know that if she brings this bill up to a full House vote, her office will receive a lifetime supply of backlavah and the eternal gratitude of Americans like me.

I’m Skeptik Sinikian. I’m back, and I approve of this message.

Skeptik Sinikian is a proud male feminist living in Glendale with his pet rock, Dooff. His columns have won numerous awards that Skeptik carved from wood himself and proudly displays in his private office. He can be reached for comment at SkeptikSinikian@aol.com.


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