For those out there who are still wondering whether "the end" is near or not–this week may be the deciding one for you. After the marathon of hurricanes–the biblical wiping out of New Orleans by flood waters–the earthquake in Pakistan/India–the war in Iraq–and the looming pandemic of the so-called bird flu–things didn’t seem like they could possibly get worse or more bizarre. Right? Wrong. Don’t pass go and don’t collect 200 dollars. Unless you’ve been living in a cave in the mountains of Artsakh or think the world revolves around Glendale–you’ve probably noticed that chaos has broken out all over the world. There has been so much in the news that to dedicate an entire article to any single subject would seem unfair to all the others. So I’ve decided to share all of my thoughts in one big chunk in what I like to call "Skeptik’s Random Thoughts and Rants," or SRTR for short.
SRTR 1: "Paris is Burning" is no longer just a title of a documentary about gay counterculture–as the City of Lights just got brighter. And the source of illumination you ask? Thousands of Muslims and other minorities living in the suburbs of Paris–France have been rioting for over 10 days–setting cars on fire and throwing Molotov cocktails at police. Call me crazy but I doubt that this helps Turkey’s case for entry into the EU. What happened to just beating each other the head with baguettes until someone surrendered?
SRTR 2: The Bush Administration’s house of cards continues to crumble as the Vice President’s Chief of Staff "Scooter" Libby was indicted on five counts–all related to the disclosing of the identity of an undercover CIA agent. Here we are–a year into the President’s second administration–or what he liked to call his "mandate," and all he has to show for it is an economy in shambles–an ongoing war in a far off land–a wiped out New Orleans–and no plan to get the country out of this funk. Can’t we get this guy a horny–chubby intern so we can impeach him already? Also–how bad must a person’s birth name be that they are ok with being called Scooter? You’re the Chief of Staff to the second most?wait?MOST powerful man in the world and you still go by Scooter?
SRTR 3: A new movie opens this week called "Get Rich or Die Trying," and believe it or not–it’s not about oil industry tycoons and their buddy George W. Bush’s war in Iraq. The movie is actually about a rapper named 50 Cent (yes?first name 50–last name Cent?I know?I know?we’re getting old) and his rise to stardom from his humble beginnings as a 12 year old crack cocaine dealer/gangster. It’s nice to see Hollywood making such wholesome movies that can be enjoyed by the whole family and that portray such a positive role model for young African American youth. I wonder what Rosa Parks would have said.
SRTR 4: Welcome to California where palm trees sway and the movie stars play and by "play" we mean run for office and turn the state upside down.
Salary for playing a robot in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines–30 million dollars
Personal cash for campaign minus gargantuan special interest checks–8 million dollars
Price of one Special Edition Gubernatorial Hummer SUV–125,000 dollars
Cost of California’s November 8 Special Election to taxpayers–Over 50 million dollars
Having an entire state reject your cockamamie ideas/propositions–priceless
There are some votes money can’t buy.
Governor AH-nold’s attempt at flexing his muscles and pumping up the voters of KAH-lifornia failed miserably last Tuesday as ALL of his proposed initiatives failed to pass. The honeymoon is officially over and we can stop all the talk of changing the Constitution to allow foreign born citizens to run for President. Don’t call us–Governor–we’ll call you if we’re attacked by killer space robots sent from the future to destroy earth. Hasta la vista baby!
SRTR 5: What does a country with an unemployment rate of 20% need more than jobs? If you answered plastic genitalia–then you might be onto something. A new sex shop called "Sex and Life" has opened up in Yerevan–according to www.ArmeniaNow.com. It’s not the first sex shop that Yerevan has had. According to the report–two previous sex shops had opened there–and shut down due to protests. What will keep this one open? The people of Armenia have finally figured out that if their going to repeatedly get screwed by incompetent leaders–then they might as well learn to enjoy it.
SRTR 6: Two more shootings took place in Glendale where both the victims and assailants were Armenian. That brings the total number of violent crimes involving Armenia’s up to 5 over the course of the last few months. At least three of the incidents involved individuals under the age of 25. Who says our youth are in crisis? Not me–lest someone accuse me of speaking out against my own people. We’re the best there is. There are no Armenia’s in jail in America and did I mention that Cher and Agassi are both Armenian? Let’s all count to three and give ourselves a collective pat on the back in advance before we build another church or erect another Genocide monument.
That’s about all the ran’s and random thoughts I have to share with you this week. I’ll be back next week with some thoughts on what’s been going on. Until next time–I’ll be working in my backyard building a fallout shelter waiting for the final signs of the apocalypse.
Skeptik Sinikian is stocking up on batteries–flashlights–canned food and anything else he’ll need after the End has arrived. He’ll still be checking his email at [email protected] In the meantime–you can visit his blog at www.Sinikian.blogspot.com.