Wednesday, August 3, 2022
No Result
View All Result
Asbarez.com
NEWSLETTER
ՀԱՅ
  • Home
  • Top Stories
  • Community
  • Arts & Culture
    • Art
    • Books
    • Music
    • Theatre
    • Critics’ Forum
  • Op-Ed
    • Editorial
    • Opinon
    • Letters
  • Columns
    • By Any Means
    • My Turn
    • Three Apples
    • Community Links
    • Critics’ Forum
    • My Name is Armen
    • Living in Armenia
  • Videos
  • Sports
  • Home
  • Top Stories
  • Community
  • Arts & Culture
    • Art
    • Books
    • Music
    • Theatre
    • Critics’ Forum
  • Op-Ed
    • Editorial
    • Opinon
    • Letters
  • Columns
    • By Any Means
    • My Turn
    • Three Apples
    • Community Links
    • Critics’ Forum
    • My Name is Armen
    • Living in Armenia
  • Videos
  • Sports
No Result
View All Result
Asbarez.com
ՀԱՅ
No Result
View All Result

Where Were You on the Fourth of August?

by Contributor
September 4, 2020
in Commentary, Community, Featured Story, Latest, Top Stories
1
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
The August 4 blast in the port of Beirut
The August 4 blast in the port of Beirut

BY MELISSA AJAMIAN
From The Armenian Weekly

“Where were you on the fourth of August” has become our new “Hello, how are you?” The difference is that, unlike its predecessor, we wait for the answer to this question with bated breath. The difference is that we don’t provide cookie cutter answers to this question. Instead, we provide minute details, going through our memories of that day with a fine comb. Now that the yellow and orange dust has settled quite literally, we are nowhere closer to healing. Our streets that were once bustling with noise, people and laughter and once filled with heritage buildings and memories of our youth, are now eerily quiet and are stark reminders of the collective tragedy we underwent as a people. Our streets are open wounds. They are sores that ooze their way into our daily lives, and we know full well that these lives will never be the same again.

To this day, I have to remind myself that August 4 was not a nightmare. Scratch that. It was a nightmare, but it actually happened. You have to forget and keep moving on, they tell me. Why aren’t you working on healing? These statements bewilder me.

 

It’s hard to forget when exactly a month later, we find out that there’s a little heart still beating under the rubble. News reported 18 beats per minute, others reported 15 beats per minute. The heartbeat is gradually slowing down—a heartbeat that has been stuck under the wreckage of a building for 30 days, possibly laying next to another body whose heartbeat has gone still. The fact that the heartbeat can be that of a child is unimaginable. A child who will have to carry the weight of this trauma for the rest of their lives… if they survive the trauma of being trapped for days and nights, faceless, voiceless and helpless.

Survivor’s guilt has tripled in the last two days: why did I not suffer as much? I should have suffered more. To add absurdity to absurdity, we also find out that there are still unexploded bags of ammonium nitrate in the port.

A view from the author’s apartment window in Mar Mikhael (Photo by Melissa Ajamian)
A view from the author’s apartment window in Mar Mikhael (Photo by Melissa Ajamian)

How do I allow myself to heal when people are still suffering? The biggest act of treachery would be for me to carry on as if our home were not blown to smithereens around us. How do I allow myself to heal when my friends leave everyday to pursue other things, anything, anywhere else. How do I heal when more of us leave? When one of us leaves? When one like me leaves? How do I heal when I’m digging out shards of glass from my legs with tweezers? How do I heal when my legs are bruised the ugliest yellow, green and purple? When I attempt to rest my tired bones, I cannot. I have to excavate for glass. Mind you, I didn’t get physically hurt on the day of the explosion. This glass I’ve inherited by relocating back into my apartment.

How do I heal? How do I rest when there is a beating heart under the rubble left unattended by a criminal government?

On the fourth of August, a month ago, I am turning around in circles in place. I look towards Gemmayze and all I see is a large, ominous cloud. A young woman from the Philippines holds my arm and shakes me awake. I look at her; her eyelid is heavily cut, blood streaming into her eye and down her face. She begs me to help her get to Bourj Hammoud so she can go home. I grab her by the shoulder, and I start waving cars down. Any car. Please stop. Please help. No one stops. Everyone is scared, scattering back home. Finally, a car stops: a young man says, “Anything you want, anywhere you want.” Please take her to Bourj Hammoud, I plead. Thank you. I love you so much. I felt love in that moment. I stand in my place again, aimless.

I run back and forth with no purpose. I am shocked beyond words. I scream at the top of my lungs until my throat hurts. It was not a scream of fear. It was a primal scream, like that of a wounded animal. A man, who had more injuries than I could count, heavily bloodied, approaches me and asks me if I am okay. Again, I run my fingers and my hands over my body and my face. I am not injured. He smiles. “Not a scratch,” he says. He walks away. I stare at him as he looks back at me.

I think of these people every day.

There are so many ambulances parked in front of the Forum of Beirut. The arena where I excitedly watched Elton John sing “Tiny Dancer” has been gutted. Gutted. I blindly drive home. I don’t know when and how I get there.

A view of the Port of Beirut (Photo by Melissa Ajamian)
A view of the Port of Beirut (Photo by Melissa Ajamian)

A day after, my cat has still not budged. He is hiding in a difficult place. I cannot reach him. His food, water and litter box remain untouched. I coax him out. His heart is beating so fast that I let him hide again. I close off the door of the decrepit living room. If I can’t see it, then it didn’t happen. I slide back into bed. I stink. I want to shower, but I am too scared of another explosion happening when I am in there. I want to sleep, but I can’t because all I can hear is shattered glass being thrown into the large garbage containers in front of my building. These containers are filled to the brim and overflowing.

I shut my bedroom door. I don’t want to hear the despair and the ambulances outside. I shut my balcony door. I cocoon. I can’t sleep. I just can’t. And now I can’t cry either. I get up. I open one door, and the other door blasts open because it came unhinged in the explosion. I am startled. I start sobbing. I am pretty sure they are going to finish off what they started. I am too scared to stay. Every little sound unnerves me. Again, I pack my most essential belongings into a big black plastic bag, and I drive to my parents’ house. This time, I cry all the way home.

A month after, the Lebanese army shows up to my apartment, attempting to assess the damage. They look around my place, look back at me, smile and say, “Hamdella (thank God) everything is replaceable.” I respond, “How will you replace my broken brain and my broken heart?” They laugh at my absurd question and leave. A couple of days later, we know of a heart beating under the rubble, and the pain of August 4 re-emerges, as fresh and as dark.

Melissa Ajamian is the Assistant Director for the Middle East Partnership Initiative Tomorrow’s Leaders (MEPI-TL) Undergraduate Program at the American University of Beirut (AUB). She is also a part-time instructor in the Department of Political Studies and Public Administration at AUB.

Contributor

Contributor

Next Post

President Sarkissian Phones Armenia’s ‘National Hero’ Dr. Hrayr Hovaguimian

Comments 1

  1. Catherine Yesayan says:
    2 years ago

    What a moving and expressive recount of the disaster that happened in Beirut.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recommended

Russia Again Blames Azerbaijan for Ceasefire Violation

Russia Again Blames Azerbaijan for Ceasefire Violation

1 hour ago
Armenia, Artsakh Condemn Erdogan Visit to Shushi

Yerevan Calls on International Community to Stop Azerbaijan’s Aggression

1 hour ago

Connect with us

  • About
  • Advertising
  • Subscribe
  • Contact

© 2021 Asbarez | All Rights Reserved | Powered By MSDN Solutions Inc.

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • Top Stories
  • Community
  • Arts & Culture
    • Art
    • Books
    • Music
    • Theatre
    • Critics’ Forum
  • Op-Ed
    • Editorial
    • Opinon
    • Letters
  • Columns
    • By Any Means
    • My Turn
    • Three Apples
    • Community Links
    • Critics’ Forum
    • My Name is Armen
    • Living in Armenia
  • Videos
  • Sports

© 2021 Asbarez | All Rights Reserved | Powered By MSDN Solutions Inc.

Accessibility

Accessibility modes

Epilepsy Safe Mode
Dampens color and removes blinks
This mode enables people with epilepsy to use the website safely by eliminating the risk of seizures that result from flashing or blinking animations and risky color combinations.
Visually Impaired Mode
Improves website's visuals
This mode adjusts the website for the convenience of users with visual impairments such as Degrading Eyesight, Tunnel Vision, Cataract, Glaucoma, and others.
Cognitive Disability Mode
Helps to focus on specific content
This mode provides different assistive options to help users with cognitive impairments such as Dyslexia, Autism, CVA, and others, to focus on the essential elements of the website more easily.
ADHD Friendly Mode
Reduces distractions and improve focus
This mode helps users with ADHD and Neurodevelopmental disorders to read, browse, and focus on the main website elements more easily while significantly reducing distractions.
Blindness Mode
Allows using the site with your screen-reader
This mode configures the website to be compatible with screen-readers such as JAWS, NVDA, VoiceOver, and TalkBack. A screen-reader is software for blind users that is installed on a computer and smartphone, and websites must be compatible with it.

Online Dictionary

    Readable Experience

    Content Scaling
    Default
    Text Magnifier
    Readable Font
    Dyslexia Friendly
    Highlight Titles
    Highlight Links
    Font Sizing
    Default
    Line Height
    Default
    Letter Spacing
    Default
    Left Aligned
    Center Aligned
    Right Aligned

    Visually Pleasing Experience

    Dark Contrast
    Light Contrast
    Monochrome
    High Contrast
    High Saturation
    Low Saturation
    Adjust Text Colors
    Adjust Title Colors
    Adjust Background Colors

    Easy Orientation

    Mute Sounds
    Hide Images
    Virtual Keyboard
    Reading Guide
    Stop Animations
    Reading Mask
    Highlight Hover
    Highlight Focus
    Big Dark Cursor
    Big Light Cursor
    Navigation Keys

    Asbarez.com Accessibility Statement

    Accessibility Statement

    • asbarez.com
    • August 3, 2022

    Compliance status

    We firmly believe that the internet should be available and accessible to anyone, and are committed to providing a website that is accessible to the widest possible audience, regardless of circumstance and ability.

    To fulfill this, we aim to adhere as strictly as possible to the World Wide Web Consortium’s (W3C) Web Content Accessibility Guidelines 2.1 (WCAG 2.1) at the AA level. These guidelines explain how to make web content accessible to people with a wide array of disabilities. Complying with those guidelines helps us ensure that the website is accessible to all people: blind people, people with motor impairments, visual impairment, cognitive disabilities, and more.

    This website utilizes various technologies that are meant to make it as accessible as possible at all times. We utilize an accessibility interface that allows persons with specific disabilities to adjust the website’s UI (user interface) and design it to their personal needs.

    Additionally, the website utilizes an AI-based application that runs in the background and optimizes its accessibility level constantly. This application remediates the website’s HTML, adapts Its functionality and behavior for screen-readers used by the blind users, and for keyboard functions used by individuals with motor impairments.

    If you’ve found a malfunction or have ideas for improvement, we’ll be happy to hear from you. You can reach out to the website’s operators by using the following email

    Screen-reader and keyboard navigation

    Our website implements the ARIA attributes (Accessible Rich Internet Applications) technique, alongside various different behavioral changes, to ensure blind users visiting with screen-readers are able to read, comprehend, and enjoy the website’s functions. As soon as a user with a screen-reader enters your site, they immediately receive a prompt to enter the Screen-Reader Profile so they can browse and operate your site effectively. Here’s how our website covers some of the most important screen-reader requirements, alongside console screenshots of code examples:

    1. Screen-reader optimization: we run a background process that learns the website’s components from top to bottom, to ensure ongoing compliance even when updating the website. In this process, we provide screen-readers with meaningful data using the ARIA set of attributes. For example, we provide accurate form labels; descriptions for actionable icons (social media icons, search icons, cart icons, etc.); validation guidance for form inputs; element roles such as buttons, menus, modal dialogues (popups), and others. Additionally, the background process scans all of the website’s images and provides an accurate and meaningful image-object-recognition-based description as an ALT (alternate text) tag for images that are not described. It will also extract texts that are embedded within the image, using an OCR (optical character recognition) technology. To turn on screen-reader adjustments at any time, users need only to press the Alt+1 keyboard combination. Screen-reader users also get automatic announcements to turn the Screen-reader mode on as soon as they enter the website.

      These adjustments are compatible with all popular screen readers, including JAWS and NVDA.

    2. Keyboard navigation optimization: The background process also adjusts the website’s HTML, and adds various behaviors using JavaScript code to make the website operable by the keyboard. This includes the ability to navigate the website using the Tab and Shift+Tab keys, operate dropdowns with the arrow keys, close them with Esc, trigger buttons and links using the Enter key, navigate between radio and checkbox elements using the arrow keys, and fill them in with the Spacebar or Enter key.Additionally, keyboard users will find quick-navigation and content-skip menus, available at any time by clicking Alt+1, or as the first elements of the site while navigating with the keyboard. The background process also handles triggered popups by moving the keyboard focus towards them as soon as they appear, and not allow the focus drift outside of it.

      Users can also use shortcuts such as “M” (menus), “H” (headings), “F” (forms), “B” (buttons), and “G” (graphics) to jump to specific elements.

    Disability profiles supported in our website

    • Epilepsy Safe Mode: this profile enables people with epilepsy to use the website safely by eliminating the risk of seizures that result from flashing or blinking animations and risky color combinations.
    • Visually Impaired Mode: this mode adjusts the website for the convenience of users with visual impairments such as Degrading Eyesight, Tunnel Vision, Cataract, Glaucoma, and others.
    • Cognitive Disability Mode: this mode provides different assistive options to help users with cognitive impairments such as Dyslexia, Autism, CVA, and others, to focus on the essential elements of the website more easily.
    • ADHD Friendly Mode: this mode helps users with ADHD and Neurodevelopmental disorders to read, browse, and focus on the main website elements more easily while significantly reducing distractions.
    • Blindness Mode: this mode configures the website to be compatible with screen-readers such as JAWS, NVDA, VoiceOver, and TalkBack. A screen-reader is software for blind users that is installed on a computer and smartphone, and websites must be compatible with it.
    • Keyboard Navigation Profile (Motor-Impaired): this profile enables motor-impaired persons to operate the website using the keyboard Tab, Shift+Tab, and the Enter keys. Users can also use shortcuts such as “M” (menus), “H” (headings), “F” (forms), “B” (buttons), and “G” (graphics) to jump to specific elements.

    Additional UI, design, and readability adjustments

    1. Font adjustments – users, can increase and decrease its size, change its family (type), adjust the spacing, alignment, line height, and more.
    2. Color adjustments – users can select various color contrast profiles such as light, dark, inverted, and monochrome. Additionally, users can swap color schemes of titles, texts, and backgrounds, with over 7 different coloring options.
    3. Animations – epileptic users can stop all running animations with the click of a button. Animations controlled by the interface include videos, GIFs, and CSS flashing transitions.
    4. Content highlighting – users can choose to emphasize important elements such as links and titles. They can also choose to highlight focused or hovered elements only.
    5. Audio muting – users with hearing devices may experience headaches or other issues due to automatic audio playing. This option lets users mute the entire website instantly.
    6. Cognitive disorders – we utilize a search engine that is linked to Wikipedia and Wiktionary, allowing people with cognitive disorders to decipher meanings of phrases, initials, slang, and others.
    7. Additional functions – we provide users the option to change cursor color and size, use a printing mode, enable a virtual keyboard, and many other functions.

    Browser and assistive technology compatibility

    We aim to support the widest array of browsers and assistive technologies as possible, so our users can choose the best fitting tools for them, with as few limitations as possible. Therefore, we have worked very hard to be able to support all major systems that comprise over 95% of the user market share including Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, Apple Safari, Opera and Microsoft Edge, JAWS and NVDA (screen readers), both for Windows and for MAC users.

    Notes, comments, and feedback

    Despite our very best efforts to allow anybody to adjust the website to their needs, there may still be pages or sections that are not fully accessible, are in the process of becoming accessible, or are lacking an adequate technological solution to make them accessible. Still, we are continually improving our accessibility, adding, updating and improving its options and features, and developing and adopting new technologies. All this is meant to reach the optimal level of accessibility, following technological advancements. For any assistance, please reach out to