BY REV. DR. VAHAN H. TOOTIKIAN
Sometimes we criticize others, and sometimes others criticize us. Sometimes criticisms are constructive and sometimes they are destructive. Usually, we do not like to be criticized. It hurts. But it especially hurts when criticism comes from our own family.
Many of us need to pray for the ability to control our tongues — unless we can offer encouragement and support — whether it is to our children, our spouses, our friends, other people in the church and community and wherever we may be. Wisdom dictates that we ask ourselves some questions before we criticize others.
First. Are we sure we know all the facts? This is a good question to ask when we are ever tempted to criticize anyone else. If we knew all the facts, it would make a difference.
Sometime ago, a newspaper ran pictures of new United States senators taking their oath of office. They received a sarcastic letter from one reader: “The senator from Hawaii apparently doesn’t know his right from his left.” Senator Inouye had taken the oath with his left hand raised rather than his right.
What the critic didn’t know was that the senator fought in World War II and lost his right arm in battle.
We would save ourselves a lot of embarrassment if we knew all the facts before we criticize someone else. Moreover, not knowing all the facts can lead people to prejudice unfounded accusations and eventually end up in tragic consequences.
One of the questions we should ask before we criticize people and pass judgment on them is whether we know all the facts. Closely related to this question should be our next question.
Second. Have we really earned the right to criticize? Before we begin to criticize, we must really ask ourselves: How well do we really know the subject matter of the issue we criticize? Or, how well do we really know the person we criticize? How authoritatively can we pass judgment on a given situation?
It is said that an arrogant tourist was once visiting the Louvre Museum in Paris. He was passing quite indifferently from one magnificent painting to another. Then he went to the museum curator and said in a disdainful way: “I see nothing in your collection of paintings to attract my interest.” “My dear friend,” the curator answered, “here we do not judge the paintings, but the paintings judge us.”
When we enter an art gallery and view the great works of famous painters, it remains for us to marvel and admire them silently. It would be a wise thing to keep quiet if we have not earned the right to criticize something or someone.
The temptation is for us to become more conscious of the faults and foibles, shortcomings and sins of other people and decreasingly aware of our own.
Third. What is the motive of our criticism? Before we criticize others we should ask whether our criticism is constructive or destructive. In our criticism, are we faultfinders or answer-providers? Are we loving critics or unloving critics? Is our criticism out of love and care or out of malice?
If the motive of our criticism is to bring out the best in people, to guide them, encourage them and uphold them, then our criticism is constructive and beneficial.
St. Paul recommends speaking to one another in uplifting words and humble attitude, to avoid conflict and friction. “Speaking the truth in love.”
Mature love can disagree without becoming disagreeable. People may have differences of opinion. The important thing is for them to resolve their differences without violating their mutual trust and respect.
Before we criticize someone else, we should really have that person’s best interest in our hearts. We should take the words of the Scriptures seriously, “I will guard my ways that I may not sin with my tongue” (Psalm 39: 1).
Rev. Dr. Vahan H. Tootikian is the Minister Emeritus of the Armenian Congregational Church of Greater Detroit and the Executive Director of the Armenian Evangelical World Council.
